When Past & Present Collide: WP&PC Read online

  When Past

  &

  Present Collide

  Sometimes in life, hope is all we have.

  Sarah Hardy

  When Past & Present Collide.

  Copyright © 2014 Sarah Hardy.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any other ways possible, without prior written permission of the author.

  This is the work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used factitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events, locations or persons, living dead or alive is entirely coincidental.

  Warning.

  To keep it real, some characters in this novel use bad language which some readers may find offensive.

  Dedications

  To my darling husband thank you for all you do. You’re my rock.

  To my sister Angela and Jacobs support group on Facebook. I love you all and appreciate your honest advice.

  To my betas, well what can I say? Thank you ladies this book is dedicated to each and every one of you.

  Table of contents

  Chapter One: Day Five

  Chapter Two: Day Four

  Chapter Three: Day Three – Interview day

  Chapter four: The Past

  Chapter Five: Day Two

  Chapter Six: Day One – Hell

  Chapter Seven: Sleepless Night

  Chapter Eight: Day Five – The news conference

  Chapter Nine: After the news conference

  Chapter Ten: WP&PC

  Chapter Eleven: Betrayal

  Epilogue: One year later - Hope

  Playlist

  Acknowledgements

  About The Author

  Chapter One

  Day Five

  Sometimes in life, hope is all we have.

  Jacob.

  We co-existed as individuals.

  No one was talking and Ella had crawled into a cubby hole that not even I could dig her out from. She had concealed herself away from the world.

  I don’t blame her.

  I’m trying to be strong for her but I am getting close to the last resort. I need to get out of this house before I blow up in front of her and I’m in sheer desperation for that not to happen. One of us needs to stay strong and I know it won’t be her.

  Ella broke the evening we were first told.

  At first she seemed to ignore what the police had said but I know now, in hindsight, she never accepted it.

  I was told by Frank that he had heard the scream rip from her chest from the other side of their building, when they had first been told and then she just locked down.

  But that night.

  The night I had left the window open was the worst night of my life. I could seriously kick myself.

  I just wasn’t thinking.

  I knew Sammy hated sleeping with his window open. But for some unknown reason I had stupidly gone around the house later that evening, opening some windows as the house was becoming too claustrophobic for me.

  I needed fresh air and I was comfy just sitting in his rocking chair reading him his favourite book.

  I never meant to open it.

  When Ella noticed and flipped out I think the light had switched on in her head and the realisation of what was going on around her finally hit home. Because straight after that she went on a shouting frenzy, followed by a cleaning rampage. Which in all honesty, I’ve never seen her do before.

  But by the time darkness came and desperation had finally hit, she wanted answers and she wouldn’t accept anything from anyone until the top man came in.

  Even then she wasn’t happy.

  Really, I don’t blame her. No one was happy; even Frank had offered all his money to pay for extra men, lights, helicopters and extra anything really. But we knew all the money in the world couldn’t help us in this situation.

  The house had become the main nerve centre for all the crew. A big tent had been drafted into the garden and was set up with all different things. To be honest I never took notice of what they were doing, all I knew was they had electric leads running all along the floor which were taped down anywhere possible, so no one would trip. Huge lights had been positioned around so they could see and generators were everywhere. The place looked like a circus but honestly, it was hell.

  I’ve started to feel helpless over the last few days. She has refused to eat, change clothes, brush her hair. Damn I know she won’t stop brushing her teeth but that’s mainly because she can’t stop retching.

  There’s no more sick to be had. Her stomach is empty. She is drinking water which is a good thing but I’m worried. I don’t know how much longer she can hold off before they place her in hospital.

  Her strength is non-existent and she is dehydrating to the extent of having hallucinations. They have drafted in her private doctor and they are constantly monitoring her situation. Really, I just think they are waiting until the news conference before they determine if they should hospitalise her.

  I’m dreading if they do because I know she will find whatever strength she has left to fight them and I’m worried she will crack if they take her away from here.

  Away from me and Sammy.

  I’m watching from afar, I’m desperate to touch her but I don’t know what to do in these circumstances.

  I’ve never done this in my life. And even when I do get close I feel her retracting from me. We’ve spent the last 6 months getting into a good place, and now I feel like we are back at the beginning.

  I want her to need me like I need her, but I don’t want to push only for her to retreat into her own mind and never let me back in.

  I know we are in this together but at this moment I feel so isolated and alone.

  *****

  Ella.

  I stood there staring at the pale complexion staring straight back at me.

  Only it wasn’t me. It was a ghost of my former self.

  I’d lost so much weight I didn’t even recognise myself anymore. My weak frame was only able to stand as the porcelain sink was holding up my frail body.

  My fixed dilated eyes looked lost to my face. They had drawn so far back that deep black holes now took their place.

  I was a hollow being of my former self.

  I gazed back down and tried to clean the remainder of the blood that had splattered all over the white sink.

  Yes, this blood belonged to me.

  My life had become one big cluster fuck; I had royally screwed the best thing to finally happen to me.

  I’d pushed and pushed my boundaries to their limits. I knew seeking revenge would hit me in the face. Hell, I didn’t expect it to hit me head on at full force.

  I glanced back into the mirror as another drop of blood dripped from my nose. I pinched the bridge of my nose and held my head back as the metallic taste ran down the back of my throat. ‘Shit’ I said to myself as I started to retch. I hated the taste of blood, not that I’m an expert on it, but still I had this sickly feeling from it. I rarely get a nose bleed, only when I’m seriously stressed and my nerves are a wreck. And yes, you can say I’m both.

  I am now officially on day 5. Did I tell you it was day 5? Well it is trust me; I’m counting the seconds, the minutes even the fucking hours.

  I feel myself picking up the rinsing cup and throwing it full force towards the mirror. I watch as the mirror shatters to pieces, as the cup falls to the sink with shards of glass flinging back at me.

  ‘Fuck, fuckity Fuck!’ I scream.

  I slump down crying again. ‘Please, God. Please don’t
punish me anymore. Haven’t I been through hell and back?’ I scream, pounding my fist against my chest. ‘Don’t I deserve a fucking break? Just one break, please, God.’ I never prayed. To be honest I never believed but when times got tough, I chose to believe. I believed everything happened for a reason and I was being punished.

  I had done this. I had everything money could buy but my respect, and hell had I wanted that. I wanted to show him who was boss.

  My selfishness and stubbornness had done this to us. I was to blame even though there was a room full of arseholes who would kindly disagree with me. They would say what they thought I wanted to hear. No one would dare voice their opinion and tell me the goddamn truth.

  ‘Wankers,’ I say, as I laugh to no one and everyone.

  I don’t even know why they are here, patronising me. Don’t they see that I don’t give a shit about what they are saying? Bloody hell, I’m not evening listening to them and now they are here in my house and trying to get me to attend some news conference or whatever Tim had called it.

  ‘Smile and nod,’ I said to no one. ‘Smile and nod.’ Who the fuck are they kidding? I can’t even stand and support myself and they expect me to smile.

  What have I got to smile about?

  ‘Hair,’ I said laughing. They want my hair to look pretty; before I knew it I was in stitches lying on the floor as more tears flowed down my face. Fuck, I was a mess.

  The knocking had started again. I hated the knocking. Couldn’t they see I wanted them to go and leave me alone to wallow in my own self-pity?

  ‘It’s my pity party, leave me alone,’ I said to myself.

  I leant back and opened the door slightly. “What?” I said with my hoarse voice. Jacob had lowered himself to his knees so we were eye to eye and he knew I would be able to understand him.

  The problem wasn’t deafness; it was a broken shattered heart.

  “We need to go sweetheart, are you ready?” He gazed at me with so much compassion. His eyes looked like mine, black circles, huge bags but he looked clean, shaven and dressed in fresh clothes. Me? I had the same yoga pants and top on since the day I was told. The only thing I had done was brush my teeth and that was to get the sick taste out of my mouth, I couldn’t care less about anything else. I held two fingers up to him and he just nodded with complete acceptance.

  How did we get here? Everything was so perfect; it was only 6 days ago when we were sitting in the park as a happy family. Yeah, me happy, it was the best day of my life. Jacob had asked if he could take me and Sammy to the park and we jumped at the chance of spending a Saturday together as a family.

  Everything had been going great over the last 6 months. We were finally happy; we had talked about the past and decided to try again. But this time we went on dates and were courting like a proper couple taking things slow, but it was good.

  We had packed a picnic and were having a great time. My boys were playing football on the grass, not that Sammy was playing; he was more interested in chasing any dog he could find. We had even discussed that this weekend we would go out and buy him a puppy together.

  The day was perfect; Jacob and I had been rolling around like the couple I had always envisioned for us. We had fed the ducks; he had pushed the swing while I sat on it, laughing and then we just walked around blissfully happy while acting goofy.

  We had even discussed him finally spending more nights with us during the weekends. At the moment he only stayed on a Saturday night but now we were going to extend it from Friday through to Monday. I know I could have done full time but we needed to make sure for Sammy’s sake that we were a solid unit before we made the final move. I wasn’t playing games anymore. Sammy came first and he always would.

  The knocking started again and I flung my eyes open as I sat there in a trance. Why did it feel so real? I shivered as I tried to stand up to open the door.

  Beth and Taylor were waiting on the other side. They helped me up and let me lean on them as I looked around for Jacob. Beth instantly shook her head. “I’m sorry honey he needed air, we will help you to the car.” I just nodded. I couldn’t even support myself without dropping, my strength was non-existent.

  Beth pulled my hair from my face and I flinched away from her. She had devastated me with her comments yesterday, I knew she was only doing what she does in a crisis but this was my crisis and I was entitled to deal with it how I see fit.

  Tim was walking by Taylor’s side chatting on and on about what we would expect today. As the front door opened I noticed Jacob stood there with his head held high and fingers raking through his hair. He didn’t even acknowledge us as we headed on over to the cars.

  My mind was playing tricks on me as we sat in the car being transported off the grounds of my property. I was slowly hallucinating. I could honestly see him everywhere I went.

  Just as the huge gates pulled open, flash after flash went off all around the car. Beth or Taylor, I don’t even know who, had placed their cardigan over my head so the press wouldn’t have any more pictures of us for their pleasure. I say their pleasure, as they are doing more harm than good. They are questioning everyone I know.

  They have even blamed me. Me? Can you fucking believe it? Do I look like a total wacko? I sniggered to myself thinking about it, because if you looked at me this very moment I would have to answer yes to that very question. I’m not a snob and I don’t usually go over the top on my appearance. Yes, I like nice clothes but I’m a high street girl through and through. I would rather shop high street any day than spend obscene amounts of money on outfits I hardly feel comfortable in. But no, not today. My hair hasn’t seen a brush and I’m sporting these very sexy yoga pants.

  The first night was the worst; it took hours for anything to completely sink in. My mind had played so many tricks on me over the previous few days that I was starting to question what had been real or not. But the first time the police had turned up to my work, and the cry that had ripped out of my chest, I don’t think I would ever not have nightmares about that day ever again.

  I was going around checking all the doors and windows for the 5th time that evening, my mind was questioning if I had locked up. I went into Sammy’s room and the cold made me shiver. I turned around and screeched so loud I think the neighbours down the way could hear me. “Who the fuck opened his window? You know Sammy can’t sleep if it’s cold.” A pair of arms wrapped around me and Jacob’s voice whispered into my ear, “I did baby. I’m so sorry, I forgot, I promise it won’t happen again.” I nodded and looked down to the crib, “come on let’s leave him be.” Jacob shook his head while we headed out of his room.

  The living room fell silent when I entered. I glanced around at all the prying eyes. “Don’t you all have some fucking work to do?” People on phones stopped and glanced at me but Tim shook his head to them. “What the fuck Tim? Don’t shake your head at them. Open your bloody eyes and look around. They’re all here drinking my fucking tea and doing no fucking work. What the hell?”

  “Ella,” Frank said in his harsh tone as he appeared in the door way. “Language please, you’re better than that,” he said as he shook his head and sat down in his usual chair.

  “Language, fucking language. Is this fucking my house or not? Because as far as I know it was my name signed on the dotted line.” He stood up and came across to me, “you know it is angel, but these people here are only trying to help, they don’t need to listen to your constant swear words.” I shook my head and turned around, “whatever Frank, I’m off to clean.”

  Someone was brushing their thumb over my knuckles. I would say it was a man but it could have been a woman, I didn’t even have the upper body strength to lift my head and acknowledge who it was. All I know is it was soothing me; like they were trying to reassure me that everything would be fine. How they were so sure of themselves was beyond me. The only thing I was assured of was that they weren’t doing enough to catch this wacko that had ruined my very existence.

  Actually I lied; the
y were doing so much more. They were all joking around in my house, drinking my tea, using my electric to be able to use all their apparently great technology, which was helping them with jack shit as we were still none the wiser who had done this to us.

  No, they were useless; I think I had more men in my home than I did on the streets. Oh yeah, they had fancy helicopters with heat recognition, but what use was heat recognition if it was likely you were looking in the wrong place? No one had a clue and they had questioned anyone they thought might hate me.

  Chapter Two

  Day Four

  Jacob.

  I was sitting in my parent’s kitchen; they were drinking tea like nothing was wrong.

  “You know dear,” my mother said as she was putting sugar in her tea, “it’s still not fair what she has done to us.”

  My eyes widened as she sat their stirring her tea. Fuck me, did I just hear her correct? It was my father’s words coming out of my mother’s mouth.

  I glared at her, “are you serious, mum?” Her face sank. I could tell she was choosing her words carefully so she wouldn’t upset me more.

  She sat up straighter, something I’ve never seen her do before. “Yes, Jacob, I’m serious.” My father stood behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder as she placed hers over his. I knew they loved each other so much and would back each other up. “We both feel that what she has done is outrageous. We have loved Samuel from the day he was born and we would love more contact with him, it’s not fair that we can only see him every other weekend.”

  I stood up as my chair scraped across their kitchen floor; I dragged my fingers through my hair.

  “Jesus fucking Christ, mum.”

  She quickly followed me, pointing her fingers up in the air.

  “Don’t you dare use the Lords name in my house, especially with a swear word attached to it, Jacob Green, I’m deadly serious.”

  I turned around. I had never gone against my parent’s wishes but she had gone way too far this time.